One change.BJ So it was mainly just the one wet shirt, though?CF The one wet shirt which they kept respraying, yes All right?BJ Yes What is your favourite colour?CF We’ve had that.BJ Um. (PAPER RUSTLING)BJ Do you think the film Fever Pitch was in reality all about emotional Fuckwit-age?CF Emotional what?BJ Fuckwit-age. You know: men being mad, alcoholic, commitment phobics and just being interested in football all the time.CF No, I don’t really. I think in some ways Paul is much more at ease with his emotions and has much more liberty with them than his girlfriend. I think that, in fact, in the final analysis, is what’s so appealing about what Nick Hornby’s trying to say on his behalf: that, in a rather mundane, everyday world, he has found something where you have access to emotional experiences, which…BJ Excuse me.CF (SIGHS) Yes?BJ Is your girlfriend coming to the premiere of Fever Pitch.CF Yes.BJ But won’t she have trouble understanding it, being foreign?CF Well she speaks very good English.BJ But don’t you think you’d be better off with someone who was English and more your own age?CF We seem to be doing alright.BJ Humph (DARKLY) So far Do you ever prefer doing the theatre?CF Um.

I don’t subscribe to the view that the theatre’s where the real acting is, that film’s not really acting. But I find I do prefer the theatre when I’m doing it, yes.BJ But don’t you think the theatre’s a bit unrealistic and embarrassing and, also, you have to sit through the acting for hours before you have anything to eat and you can’t talk or…CF Unrealistic? Embarrassing and Unrealistic?BJ Yes.CF Do you mean unrealistic in the sense that it…?BJ …you can tell it isn’t real.CF…that sort of unrealistic, yes (SLIGHT MOANING SOUND) Um I think it shouldn’t be if it’s good It’s much more… it feels more artificial to make a film.BJ Does it? I suppose it doesn’t go all the way through, does it?CF Well no it doesn’t No Yes A film doesn’t go all the way through It’s shot in little bits and pieces. (LOUDER GROANING NOISE) Little bits and pieces.BJ Has it been detrimental to your career being called Colin?CF (LAUGHS) Well, I did ask my mother why she plumped for that particular name and she said, “Well, we couldn’t call you Andrew because of your cousin.”BJ Oh. Do you think Mr Darcy would have slept with Elizabeth Bennet before the wedding?CF Yes, I do think he might have.BJ Do you?CF Yes I think it’s entirely possible.

Yes.BJ (BREATHLESSLY) Really?CF I think it’s possible, yes.BJ How would it be possible?CF Don’t know if Jane Austen would agree with me on this, but…BJ We can’t know because she’s dead.CF No, we can’t… but I think Andrew Davies’s Mr Darcy would have done.BJ Why do you think that, though? Why? Why?CF Because I think it was very important to Andrew Davies that Mr Darcy had the most enormous sex drive.BJ (GASPS)CF And, um…BJ I think that came across, really, really well with the acting I really think it did.CF Thank you. At one point, Andrew even wrote as a stage direction: “Imagine that Darcy has an erection”.(V. LARGE CRASHING NOISE)BJ Which bit was that?CF It’s when she’s been walking across the country and bumps into him in the grounds in the early stages.BJ The bit where she’s all muddy?CF…and dishevelledBJ…and sweaty?CF Exactly.BJ Was that a difficult bit to act?CF You mean the erection?BJ (AWED WHISPER) Yes.CF Um, well, Andrew also wrote that I don’t propose that we should focus on it, and, therefore, no acting required in that department at least.BJ Mmm.(LONG PAUSE)CF Yes.(MORE PAUSE)BJ Mmm.CF Is that it, then?BJ No. What was it like with your friends when you started being Mr Darcy?CF There were a lot of jokes about it: growling, “Mr Darcy” over breakfast and so on. There was a brief period when they had to work quite hard to hide their knowledge of who I really was and…BJ Hide it from who?CF Well, from anyone who suspected that perhaps I was like Mr Darcy.BJ But do you think you’re not like Mr Darcy?CF I do think I’m not like Mr Darcy, yes.BJ I think you’re exactly like Mr Darcy.CF In what way?BJ You talk the same way as him.CF Oh do I?BJ You look exactly like him, and I, oh, oh…PROTRACTED CRASHING NOISES FOLLOWED BY SOUNDS OF STRUGGLEEditor’s note: Bridget Jones has been sacked..