A lot of the time I read the letters and think ‘That’s sad, that’s very sad’. I only wish they would put a return address.”Does he think that there has been a racial subtext to the vehemence of some of the criticism to which his performances for – and occasional withdrawals through injury from – the national team have been subjected? “I would say that in my England career so far I haven’t been as consistent as I would like.” But at times it’s hard not to get the impression that some people, within the game as well as outside, would prefer the England cricket team to be as white as their kit.”If that is the case, it would be really disappointing, because we live in a very cosmopolitan society and to me there’s nothing better than going out into the field, the Edgbaston Test against India was a good example. There was myself and Nasser Hussein and Min Patel, and when I see that team sheet I look at it in a very positive light – not just from a cricketing point of view but from a general English point of view – because it reflects the society that we actually live in and it makes me feel very proud.”With the recent arrival of new coach and committed non-curmudgeon David Lloyd, things seem to have taken a definite turn for the better in the England camp. “We’re encouraged to express ourselves much more now,” Lewis observes contentedly, “not just in terms of how we play, but in our dress and even our music. He didn’t get through.OFFENSIVE CHARMERSOn the telephone, callers hate …Gabbled greetings.

“Good morning” will suffice (friendly if possible).Use of first names only; it’s confusing and often inappropriate. First name, surname and job title is reassuringly efficient.Being left on hold in total silence Or listening to music Or listening to recorded information Or being asked to “bear with” someone. If queries cannot be dealt with immediately, offer to phone back.Being dealt with abruptly. “It’s Joel from AP,” he explained.”Just a moment, Mr Fromaipey, I’ll try the line for you,” chirruped the operator. Phoning a camera company, an employee of the photographic magazine Amateur Photographer (known in the trade as AP) was asked to identify himself. Formulas have been used, wrongly, to replace the right tone of voice – if the tone is right, you simply don’t need them.

It is being recognised that the key is not to ‘train’ staff but to educate them to be interactive.”The nub is to know what callers want. The first thing is speedy service – they won’t forgive you if they have to wait. And they want to find a spokesperson for the company who is friendly, human, and offers a communicative response.” (Teleconomy’s shining examples of customer-friendly companies that will not put you on hold for hours, play plinky music at you, reroute you into endless voice mail, or ask you to have a nice day, include Marks & Spencer, Scottish Power, Arthur Andersen and United Biscuits.)Finally, however hard you train (or educate) your staff, there will still always be the occasional hopeless case. Training staff to a pattern is really insulting to them, in general we deplore it – and it is being laughed at now.

It’s better than surly indifference, but we need to relax a bit and not treat courtesy as a package.”It’s hard to get companies to give a self-critique of their presentation. Most will only sniff that they are “committed to improving and maintaining the quality of services,” or some such line. But some are beginning to address the issue of corporate manners, says Joan Sillis, managing director of Teleconomy, consultants in the management of telephone systems.”Across the board, you do have horrible experiences But in general, standards are going up. Over here, you’re utterly convinced that when your dry cleaner says ‘Have a nice day’ she’s hoping you’ll trip over as soon as you get out of the shop.

A friendly tone is much better than automaton phrases, but they are better than taking no interest in the customer.”"There are so many formulaic American packages,” says the Rev Ian Gregory of the Polite Society “Why we can’t come up with our own I don’t know. “This kind of forced mateyness sits much better on Americans, it’s part of their general buoyancy, but it just doesn’t sit well on the lugubrious British face,” she says. “It’s not nearly as irritating from genuine Americans, you just accept it – and they really believe in it much more than we do. But why are we supposed to like such an approach? “Using first names is meant to lend humanity,” explains Tom Brannan, “while the use of a surname is distancing rather than friendly. But of course, there is inevitably an element of formula to any human interaction; saying ‘This is Tom, how may I help you?’ is no more ritualised than saying ‘Good morning’.”A style that would be fine in New York is less appropriate for Tunbridge Wells, suggests Drusilla Beyfus, author of Modern Manners (Mandarin).